Embrace the CHANGE!
We, humans tend to define how our world is supposed to work, so whenever something happens that is inconsistent with what we feel the world should be, we face CHANGE.
“Change freaks us out -- probably even more than public speaking…,” says Adam Dachis in an article on Lifehacker.com, entitled “Why You're So Afraid of Change (and What You Can Do About It).”
Change is such a subtle occurrence in our lives; we tend not to think about it. But whether the change is a start or end of a relationship, a move to a new location, starting a new job, or losing a loved one, change, good or bad, causes STRESS.
You see, all change requires an adjustment in how we go about our day-to-day lives. These adjustments, regardless of how small, cause stress. Even when they are positive; they cause stress.
We never know what we are going to get out of change because even negative change can end up with positive results. And this “not knowing the results” scares the hell out of us.
So, rather than “losing our minds” when a change occurs, we need to make simple adjustments in our outlook to help us cope.
What Exactly Is Change?
First, let’s define change as “a modification to a person’s environment, situation, or physical/mental condition that results in circumstances that challenge their existing paradigms.”
We experience changes in many forms. Everyone goes through the pains of puberty, of getting older, of getting married, graduating from school, switching careers, moving across the country, losing a loved one, having a terrible accident, dating, going on vacation, discovering hobbies, or even achieving your dreams. We could probably assign an emotional feeling, like happy or sad, to many of these broad examples. But it isn’t only the event that affects how we handle the change.
You see, there is a continuum between positive and negative, so change is not so easily classified as good or bad. Other factors must be considered, like one’s temperament, mood, etc. which also affects how a person sees a change.
Besides, the event itself doesn’t determine whether we are stressed or not. If a change occurs, good or bad, stress WILL probably result.
To determine how change affects us, we need to examine three things:
- The situation itself,
- Our mood or temperament, and
- How others may affect us.
Why Is Change So Difficult?
You see, CHANGE should be simple. But our brains want certain things to remain the same. Whenever we encounter change, just like a detour we should be able to follow it and get where we want to go. Instead, our brains offer a number of special quirks that cause us to see things differently.
Because we've taken the conventional path before, we know it takes us where we want to go. So, when we run into a detour, suddenly the information we trusted for so long has broken down. Questions begin to enter our mind. Where does the other road lead? How long will it take? Is it dangerous?
The unknown tends to scare us, and change creates a lot of unknowns. So, we act pretty irrationally to try to prevent change. Often without realizing that this behavior is only making our lives unnecessarily problematic.
Once we’ve experienced being ourselves and the world around us for a period of time, we begin to develop core beliefs that form our paradigm for how life is supposed to be.
Childhood experiences are the most long-lasting and influential because those experiences are the ones that future experiences will be compared with to form our worldview or paradigm of life.
A child’s brain is still developing, so their experiences have a greater chance of influencing how future neural connections are designed. Good or bad, children adjust better to change because they don’t have as much “legacy material” to overcome when a change occurs.
Of course, as we get older, our brains become less flexible, and it becomes harder to process change because our paradigms are more ingrained.
We Seek Out People Like Us to Avoid Change
Because new information bothers our brains, we tend to find friends and form groups that reinforce our own beliefs—whether they're correct or not. When a group of people agree, it's easy to discount the opinions of others even in the face of undeniable logic. We tend to discount conflicting information as bias and stick with what we know. Essentially, we are attacking the possibility of change because we think we know better than everyone else and we have the friends to back it up.
We Hate to Feel Like We Wasted Our Time and Effort
Sometimes change involves a significant loss, and our brain hates loss. When we invest ourselves emotionally in anything, it becomes harder to change because we don't want to lose all the time and effort we already exerted.
In reality, time and effort aren't wasted, but our brain likes to see the entire time as a loss rather than just a part of the inevitable conclusion.
The result - we're so opposed to accepting change, we let logic go right out the window. We quickly rush to an option that minimizes any loss, which, of course, is the one with the least amount of change.
How to Better Cope with Change
Coping with change isn't that hard. We can't change how our brain works, but we can use its quirks to our advantage.
Basically, our brain likes information it knows and understands and doesn't like what it doesn't know. If our brain experiences enough change in a variety of ways, it'll allow us to operate with the understanding that change is something we can survive and even benefit from. We won't fear it so much because the information stored in our head provides evidence that fear is unnecessary.
Of course, getting to this point is easier said than done.
Accept the Inevitability of Change and Its Resulting Stress
To learn to cope with and better handle change, we must first accept that STRESS is an inevitable part of the process of change. We have to give ourselves permission to feel the change-related distress and all of the associated emotions that come along with it.
I know it sucks, but not allowing ourselves to process those emotions will prevent us from moving forward. We don't want to have to isolate ourselves from all things that can cause a "distressing" change just to be able to function.
It takes hard work to handle changes to the information we use every day. We're wired to resist any change, but we are better off, in the long run, if we don't resist.
Allow Yourself to Freak Out, But Always Consider the Upside
Sometimes we have to give ourselves permission to freak out on our own time, but then we must find ways to move forward positively.
I know, again, this is easier said than done. Stress caused by change can make being optimistic about the change seems impossible. But that’s okay.
We can cry, kick, and scream, but then we have to do what makes our new situation more livable and enjoyable. Fixating on what was lost because of the change prevents us from experiencing the good things that come with change.
After enough regular practice, managing change won't be such a fearful burden. We'll get better at it and it won't feel like we're hit with a stress bomb every time our lives take a different turn.
Remember, change is rarely easy, but it ISN'T supposed to be. The only way the fear and stress of change will disappear is to calm down and embrace the UNKNOWN.
Embrace the CHANGE!
As always, thanks for reading!
Sandi
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